October 5th, 2025
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
This quote that has become an anchor for me in how I think about how we can live good lives. To be living in a truly volitional way, we need to be mindfully “choosing” how we’re responding rather than mindlessly reacting.
Easier said than done, though.
The first hurdle is recognizing the illusion that conscious control is our default state. When we learn this is not the case, we are in a position to work on having greater conscious control.
How we can approach that work can be broken down into 1) increasing how often we’re in that space, 2) expanding our time in that space, 3) being wise in making use of that space.
Our ability to simply spend more time in that space, depends on specific faculties like what are called meta-awareness and equanimity. I like to think of these things as part our “mental fitness” and that, like physical fitness, we can strengthen through exercise and practice.
Our ability to make good use of that space, depends on our emotional awareness and the self-understanding to know what is most effective and important to us. This work is about being an active student working to develop helpful knowledge (language, concepts, perspectives) and wisdom.
The reality is that there is no single guru or book offering all the guidance we need. We all have our own histories, temperments, and spirits that shape who we are as individuals and ultimately make this a project or journey we need to take on and own. Another reality is that we’re social beings and thrive within supportive relationships. I firmly believe that the more support the better and that therapy is a uniquely valuable form of support we can all benefit from.